Support: Get Help!

Content

• Definition: what does support mean?
• Why some are so reluctant to accept support
• They don't want to share the appreciation
• You don't want to admit weakness
• You don't want to be in the debt of the other
• Why is support important?
• Attachment style influences help and health
• Support in professional life is indispensable
• This is how you accept the support of others
• Accept your own weaknesses
• See yourself as a team
• Take the chance to develop
• In return, offer support as well

Support is gladly translated with help. Perhaps that is exactly where the problem lies: Hardly anyone wants to be perceived as weak and in need of help. This does not coincide with the self-image and also not with the ambition of many to make it alone.

There are two misunderstandings behind this, namely the belief that support is an admission of helplessness or even failure. On the other hand, the mistaken assumption that successful role models can do everything on their own. As a result, many people find it difficult to ask for support or to accept it. A shortcoming that can cause you to step on the spot instead of moving forward. In other words, if you forego support, you will face difficulties that you shouldn't have to face.

We explain the great importance of support for your well-being and your success. We also give tips on how to get help from others and how to ask for help ...

Definition: what does support mean?

A synonym for support can be spoken of by assistance, care or cooperation. What this form of help looks like depends on the specific situation or the supporting party. A distinction can be made between:

➠ Financial support
➠ State support
➠ Social support
➠ Mental support

These forms of support cannot always be clearly separated. The terminology also differs. For families or for companies in the current Corona crisis, there are, for example, various options for government support - often in the form of financial support. This can just as well be understood as practical (as opposed to mental) or material support. Friends and family will give priority to social support - but often financial support is also a part of that. Supporting someone can also mean standing up for someone. To put in a good word for this person, for example when someone is not quite sure about their decision. Or someone provides mental support by thinking of a good friend who is in the middle of a difficult test.

Why some are so reluctant to accept support

Some try to do everything on their own at all costs and prefer to forego support. Even if, objectively, it is the wrong way to go. Why is it that some people are reluctant to be helped? In most cases this is due to these reasons:

They don't want to share the appreciation

There is great competition in many areas of the job. Of course we work together, but it turns out that some are primarily concerned with their own gain. How can I present myself to the boss? How do I increase my personal chances of a raise or promotion?

Those who accept support can no longer reap the laurels on their own. The recognition for joint achievements would have to be shared. In order to only be able to stand out for oneself, the support is refused. Better to somehow get through alone than give the competition the chance to get something off the cake.

You don't want to admit weakness

A big problem is self-awareness. Those who accept the support of others have to admit to themselves that they have weaknesses. Or worse: that the colleagues in this area are superior. That can really scratch your own ego. It can be difficult to see how another employee does what you couldn't do yourself with apparent ease. In order not to have to give up this nakedness, the offer of support is rather denied straight away. Then you don't have to deal with your own limits and possible inadequacies.

You don't want to be in the debt of the other

Anyone who accepts support from another is indebted to him. Now, depending on the liking, there are different views of how much the guilt of the one who accepts support is. Taking a letter to the post office is certainly a different matter than helping out with a loan of 5,000 euros. The support in a difficult phase of grief will also have to be assessed differently than, for example, a shift change. Depending on how private or embarrassing someone is about a certain situation (e.g. debt), the more difficult it will be for them to ask others for support or to accept help. In addition, there is the (supposed or real) danger that the other person could take advantage of the emergency situation.

Why is support important?

The motives of those who tend to decline support for themselves have now been clarified. However, the question remains why support is so important. In fact, it's about more than just being able to go to the end of the working day faster because, for example, your colleague has done work for you:

• Support creates friendships
  Support is a real social lubricant. You may find it difficult to ask a colleague for help. On the other hand, it doesn't have to come across as an annoying request to do unloved tasks. It's just as good a chance to prove yourself as a colleague or even a friend.
• Support helps with network expansion
  You may find yourself having to seek help from a stranger. You ask at the recommendation of a friend who, unfortunately, is unable to do so himself. In this way you will gain new experiences and make new contacts.
• Support increases well-being
  The positive effects of support are immense. It is not so much about making work easier - which is not the case with mental support anyway. Rather, the signaled support for the supported person is of great value. Knowing that you can rely on others has been shown to reduce the release of the stress hormone cortisol.

Attachment style influences help and health

How well someone can accept support is mostly related to early childhood developments. Studies show that children who have positive, trusting attachment experiences are more likely to form close bonds even as adults. They are characterized by open interaction with their fellow human beings. Her predominantly positive experiences in social contexts also increase her expectation to receive support from others in a difficult situation. These expectations mean that they are less reluctant to ask others for help. And this is how it all fits together: Due to their closer attachment style, they have a large network. This in turn makes it extremely likely that appropriate help will be found. The support received strengthens self-confidence and gives a feeling of control.

However, looking for support is a question of communication skills. Here, too, people who maintain a positive, trusting attachment style have an advantage. You are characterized by openness and empathy. They deal consciously with their wishes and worries. At the same time, you have a feeling for when your counterpart is not doing particularly well and can respond to it.

It is different with people who do not feel this deep security from childhood. This gives you a clear disadvantage: you do not count on help in difficult situations and you rarely look for it on your part. The lack of social support has both psychological and physical effects. These people suffer from lower resilience due to negative experiences and a high feeling of stress.

Support in professional life is indispensable

Only very few people can immerse themselves completely in a task or challenge as lone fighters without ever involving others. At some point, most of them will come to a point where they will not get any further without support. This is achieved at the latest when one's own skills or capacities are no longer sufficient. Even in a job in which you are well trained and experienced, this happens again and again: Tasks overlap with other areas or projects are far too large to be tackled alone.

This is especially true for young professionals. You are still inexperienced, new to your employer and have many questions that need to be answered. Those who do without support here only harm themselves and learn much more slowly. Initiative and the search for solutions are good, but superiors like to see you looking for specific support with questions so that you can be fully effective as quickly as possible. With a few exceptions, where tasks are best done alone, the following applies: Working together can produce faster and better results. Four eyes see more than two, many hands, quick end. The catch, however, is that although support is often offered, it is difficult to accept.

This is how you accept the support of others

You are usually better off with the help of others. It's not just about making work easier or professional networking. Rather, you strengthen your relationship with others and at the same time do yourself a health favor. To do this, you have to be ready to be helped. The following tips can help:

Accept your own weaknesses

When you accept that you are not perfect and that you can be equally good in every area, you will find it much easier to accept and appreciate support. It is not easy to admit mistakes and deficits and of course you can work to correct them - but first you should get the support of others - after all, there is no shame in recognizing the knowledge and skills of colleagues.

See yourself as a team

To be supported does not mean that you do not contribute anything yourself or that your achievements are neglected. You don't need to worry that your boss will think you are insufficiently competent just because you are getting advice or help from another colleague. But on the contrary. By accepting and specifically asking for support, you show your ability to work in a team and a willingness to work together to achieve the best results.

Take the chance to develop

A new attitude towards support is helpful: it's not about someone else doing something for you while you stand around idle and useless. Rather, you have the chance to learn from the skills to broaden your own horizons and be able to do it yourself next time. Asking for support is not a sign of failure, but an expression of your will to develop.

In return, offer support as well

If you still find it difficult to accept support, a simple trick can help: not only get help, but also support the helper with another task. This reciprocity makes it easier to get help with your own weaknesses, because you can prove your skills in the second task. And that in turn strengthens self-confidence.