Love in the office: better flirting at work

Content

Love in the office: partner exchange workplace
What if the flirtation turns into an affair?
The nice side of an office flirt
Understanding for one another
Feeling of togetherness
Different perspective
Better coordination
Be careful with sexual harassment
Love in the Office: Tips on How to Flirt Better at Work
Real getting to know each other
Laughing together
Careful emails
Flattering compliments
Friendly help
Safe food
Kind gestures
Honest questions
Intense eye contact
Appropriate spacing
Legitimate Limits
Over and over: Problems at the end of the relationship
the atmosphere
Secrets
Career
Ex-love in the office: tips for after the breakup
gain distance
Live openness
Privatize disputes
Establish rules
Prevent bearing formation
Let acts of revenge
Interesting facts about flirting and love
What other readers have read

Working people often spend more time with their colleagues than with friends. No wonder that it crackles a lot at times: The Love in the office is no exception - after school and training, the office is the third largest marriage market. Numerous colleagues across Germany fall in love with each other and become partners for life. Almost every third relationship is created in the workplace. But that Flirt at work is tricky terrain. Mistakes can lead not only to a complaint of sexual harassment, but also to a merciless war of the roses ...

Love in the office: partner exchange workplace

We all flirt often and happily. For example, do you lean forward slightly as soon as you are talking to an attractive person? Do you tilt your head to one side? Are you changing your voice? Do you smile often? Do you blink your eyes, lick your lips or play with your hair?

Bingo - you're already flirting!

Opportunity makes love - is a well-known expression. And these opportunities do not only arise in bars, at parties or in social networks. The real dating site is the job. Surveys once showed:

Colleagues are for 85 percent of employees the most attractive relationship partners.
35 percent can imagine a relationship with colleagues. Around 14 percent of the working population have already entered into a permanent partnership at work.
17 percent of those who entered into a relationship at work ended an existing relationship in return.
Women fall in love with their boss more often than men.
People under 30 fall in love at work more often than their older colleagues.
Relationship partners who are particularly in demand work in production and sales.

Flirtations, affairs and relationships - in short: love in the office - is not an exception, but rather the rule.

Self shy people Flirting is easier because there are numerous harmless opportunities in the job to get closer to your colleague.

What if the flirtation turns into an affair?

Love in the office can not only lead to new partnerships - it can also end existing relationships, or at least into one veritable crisis to lead.

The job is not just an opportunity for singles to get to know new partners. Even forgiven men and women can be tempted here and it is not uncommon for the workplace to be the starting point for Infidelity and affairs.

From a moral standpoint, an affair in the workplace can be a delicate matter be. Not only is it difficult for the colleagues, at the latest when the lovemaking ends, the big problem comes: We have to continue working together after the short-term romance has ended.

What you should know about affairs on the job can be found in this one PDF read up.

The nice side of an office flirt

Kisses at the copier or tinkering in the tea kitchen - flirting strengthens that Self esteem. It is good to know that you are arriving and that you are interested.

Another advantage of office love: flirting reduces acute stress.

On top of that, lovers have a significantly increased serotonin level and are therefore in a better mood, they become more involved and like to take on additional tasks in order to be near the person they love for longer.

In a study, researchers came to the conclusion that love makes you more creative. Then the neurotransmitter dopamine stimulates that Reward center in the brain of those in love and also activates those areas of the brain that are responsible for creativity and artistic activities.

So there are also various surveys among Germans Hiring managers concluded that the majority of respondents no worries in the case of relationships within the workforce.

If the flirtation becomes more and a relationship develops, this has additional advantageswhen working with the partner:

Understanding for one another
Both know each other's day-to-day work. They know about the problems and challenges and can better understand them.
Feeling of togetherness
Couples who work together share a large and important part of their lives with one another. They share responsibility and share professional successes with one another. That welds together.
Different perspective
Many people are different in their job than in their private life. If you work with your partner, you also get to know their creative and professional side.
Better coordination
They have the same way to work and often the same working hours. This makes it easier to coordinate your private life and spend your free time together.

It is well known that relationships are not always just peace, joy, pancakes. This also applies to love in the office, which can lead to problems. You can find out what these are in this free PDF.

Be careful with sexual harassment

The dazzling smile of the colleague from the office next door or the bright blue eyes of the colleague from sales and it’s done for you. But if Cupid's arrow hits in the office, you should be careful: One wrong e-mail, one too suggestive joke and the crackling office flirtation is over sexual harassment become.

Never fuck the company! - is another bon mot that can be taken literally in both meanings. All self-proclaimed desk casanovas and heartbreakers on the prowl should be aware that their advances labor law are not harmless.

In the worst case, they risk a report or (in the case of repeat offenders) theirs termination.

There are numerous jurisdictions on this:

Anyone who physically approaches a colleague and grabbing (without the one or the other wanting), must reckon with consequences under labor law. For example, a previously innocent instructor submitted his Arm around a colleaguewho did not want that - warning! (Hamm Regional Labor Court, 17 SA 1544/96).
Another seller groped a colleague regularly despite their resistance on the hips and back - termination without notice! (Labor Court Frankfurt am Main, 15 CA 7402/01).
Job loss also threatens Love letters. Anyone with his sexual prompts obscene joke garnished, put on paper and sent the whole thing to colleagues, in the opinion of the courts disturbs the peace of the company and can be thrown out (Federal Administrative Court, 1 DB 5.96). This is especially true for sex mails via SMS (Landesarbeitsgericht Rheinland-Pfalz, 9 SA 853/01).
Of course, these are extreme examples and such means are often only used when it is clear that the person concerned has clearly rejected the indecentities. With a tour guide who surprisingly took a service tour to Techtelmechtel used with a colleague, it was therefore not enough to be expelled (Federal Labor Court, 2 AZR 341/03).

Peter Groll, specialist lawyer for labor law, warns: “Not just rough ones Advances can have serious consequences. Even if there is a spark between the two of them, it can cause problems with all love happiness. "

So can the Buyer A company in serious trouble when its partner is a big one supplier is - especially when the secret liaison is exposed and then questions are asked about the pricing of a product. If the products are cheaper elsewhere, that may be a reason for termination. This suspicion alone can lead to termination if it is not possible to completely refute it.

Love in the Office: Tips on How to Flirt Better at Work

But how do you flirt at work without endangering it? All sorts of things have long been available Flirt tips on the Internet. Most are only suitable for evening advances, but not for the office. They are more reminiscent of pick-ups and quick sex than the start of a love affair.

Therefore, for everyone who has their eye on a colleague, a few harmless ones Tips for the office flirt.

Real getting to know each other
Before flirting with someone, try to get to know them better. Nothing is as appealing as a sincere interest in yourself, and men in particular make the mistake of being far too impatient when flirting. The ensnared women quickly realize that men are only interested in getting something (approval or sex, for example). You feel like a trophy-to-be. Not exactly worth striving for.
Laughing together
Laughter connects. We immediately find people who entertain us sympathetic. They tear us out of the gray of everyday life, lift our spirits and subtly sense similarities. After all, the jokes we laugh at indirectly show what we like and what we don't. In addition, both men and women regularly state in surveys that humor is an important factor in a potential partner.
Careful emails
Flirting at work isn't just about the spoken word. Colleagues often access e-mails or short notes. This can work, but caution is advised. Anyone who sends lewd jokes not only has no chance of flirting, but also crosses the boundaries of labor law. Neutral compliments and nice comments, on the other hand, are not a problem. Something like this: “Your presentation at the meeting earlier was just great! They were consistently competent. Incidentally, I found your voice enchanting. "
Flattering compliments
Speaking of which: everyone - whether man or woman - loves compliments. "Even the brightest go for flattery"the playwright Molière already knew. Around 300 years later, the depth psychologist Sigmund Freud determined that humans can defend themselves against attacks, but are powerless against praise. Avoid sexual innuendos or personalities. Successful flirting is someone who intelligently ensnares the other, fascinates and entertains them - not immediately pulling every contact flat on the sexual level.
Friendly help
This variant is particularly suitable for an initial closer contact. Offer to help with a project. First, because it's a collegial and innocuous gesture; second, because you create so many opportunities to meet, chat, and get closer. The joint breaks from the project in particular can be used to start a conversation.
Safe food
Just ask the person you love to have lunch with you. This is a relatively harmless offer that is common in the job environment - especially if you find a professional reason, for example to discuss a joint task. And if you are too shy at first or don't want to let everything go through, just take a few colleagues with you.A good friend can get out of one thing before having coffee together important reason say goodbye to the group prematurely.
Kind gestures
Serving someone a cup of hot coffee (motto: "As a little encouragement for the day") is not only attentive, but also a caring gesture that especially men can score with (but women too). Of course, the full number of points is achieved by researching how someone likes their coffee: with milk, without sugar? Or whether he / she even prefers tea (greens? Blacks?). Over time, patient professionals turn it into a weekly ritual: Wednesday 4 o'clock coffee.
Honest questions
Flirting means taking the other person seriously. And what is more effective than asking someone for advice or their opinion? Advantage two: If you ask questions or ask about the opinion of the other, you will have a good follow-up topic afterwards. As a rule, once men get interested in women, they start to fluff and brag about themselves. Listeners are more successful.
Intense eye contact
Look the other person in the eye for as long as possible - not into the cleavage! In any case, that says that you are interested and more than words. Just don't overdo it! A gaze that is too intense or even staring has an aggressive and frightening effect. Better: smile. If he / she smiles back, he / she is not averse to flirting.
Appropriate spacing
Be mindful of physical cues, but keep distance zones first.
Physical approaches can (and usually are) interpreted as grabbing. It is better to interpret the non-verbal messages of your counterpart first: Usually people who do not know each other well stand in the form of a "V" to each other, i.e. slightly open into the room. If they find each other more attractive, the shape changes into a “U” - they are now facing each other in parallel, a clear signal for outsiders: We want to stay among ourselves.
Legitimate Limits
Harassment starts where you enter No no longer accept. If he or she replies negatively to the question of whether you both want to eat or drink a coffee, you can just ask whether you might be able to repeat the invitation next week.
If this is also rejected, you should stop trying and accept the decision. Pressure only makes things worse.
We have also summarized the most important basic rules for love in the office in an etiquette guide for office flirtations, which - as usual - you can download here free of charge as a PDF.

Over and over: Problems at the end of the relationship

That also happens, however: What began as an office romance and exciting flirtation soon ends with one separation. Nothing with love in the office. Instead, there is suddenly an ice age.

Even if there is only a crisis in the relationship, the tensions quickly spread to the entire team. It gets particularly complicated when the relationship fails and you break up. What initially caused butterflies in the stomach is now turning into agony: And the ex-partner says hello every day ... Stupid. Because after the love break, the daily work continues anyway.

What is the best way to deal with it professionally?

The most unpleasant (personal) consequences:

the atmosphere
In the period shortly after the breakup, both partners are particularly vulnerable. The pain of the breakup flares up again and again at the sight of the ex-partner and the grief phase lasts longer. The colleagues notice that too. One wrong word, one stupid suggestion, and the collar bursts. Especially when one of them has been abandoned because of someone else, the mood is extremely tense. Trifles then become secondary theaters of war and the team becomes clan.
Secrets
In an intact relationship, both partners trust each other with the most intimate secrets. So far, so normal. Too bad if these weaknesses and possible corpses in the basement could now be used against you. Such secrets can be time bombs. You never know if and when the other will use it. This can further poison the atmosphere - or even endanger your career.
Career
It doesn't even have to be secrets. Even if both have separated on good terms, everyone still knows about the ex-relationship. The problem: Whether you support the other person in the job or perhaps contradict or criticize - both are responsible for floor radio, motto: Look, he's still helping her! Or just: Aha, she takes revenge on him!

Ex-love in the office: tips for after the breakup

Even if in such a situation you wish your ex would vanish, sooner or later you will have to find a way to deal with the new situation. It will painful and uncomfortable, Your Ex partner to continue to be countered, however, this circumstance cannot be avoided in most cases.

The following tips can help you get through this difficult time:

gain distance
Try to create as much distance as possible between you and your ex. This is especially important when one of the two partners still has strong feelings and continues to seek closeness to the other. Avoid yourself especially at the beginning. Spend your lunch break with your colleagues, preferably in places and restaurants that you as a couple did not go to together.

Consider taking a few days off or requesting a vacation. Especially if the separation is still fresh, it is advisable to take a break from each other, as you are emotionally troubled and unbalanced during this time. It won't help if you cry regularly in the office.
If, after such a break, you find that it is no longer possible to work with your ex-partner, you should think about being transferred if possible, or looking for a new job.
Live openness
Sooner or later your colleagues will also find out that you have split up. Trying to keep the separation a secret is pointless. With that you are only fueling the rumor mill. The best thing to do is to announce the end together - with wording that you both have agreed on beforehand.
Privatize disputes
If you haven't broken up on good terms, do not share your ex-partner's bad traits or intimate details after the breakup. You have every right to be angry with one another. But the office is not the right arena for a war of roses. You only damage your own image. What is private should also remain private.
Establish rules
You both will understand that unless neither is considering changing jobs, you will have to keep working together. Find a conversation with your ex-partner and agree on rules for further cooperation in the office.
Prevent bearing formation
Conflicts are part of a separation, especially when a lot of emotions are involved. But it would be unprofessional to involve the team in this. So keep colleagues out of your disputes and avoid parties forming. Only the relationship is over, not the teamwork.
Let acts of revenge
Some are injured after the failed love in the office and want to get back on their ex. Starting a new affair with a colleague because of this is the worst way to go. But what if the ex does not stick to this principle and shamelessly flirts with colleagues?
Such behavior feels like a slap in the face, but you shouldn't give in to the urge to start a jealousy drama. Staying cool now not only makes you look more confident, it's better revenge.

The first Time after the breakup becomes uncomfortable and difficult one way or another - it always is. But the well-known wisdom also applies in the office: Time heals all wounds and other mothers also have beautiful sons and daughters.

Interesting facts about flirting and love

What role does it play nonverbal communication? What do women look for when flirting? What is better about restraint or going all out? The following Facts help you to successfully circumnavigate faux pas during lovemaking:

Flirting men are more dissatisfied with their jobs: This is what psychologists Chadi Moussa and Adrian Banks from the University of Surrey found out. Especially among men, the office courtship had a negative effect on the work mood. Moussa also warns not to confuse cause with effect. The researcher suspects that excessive digging is an indication that the men concerned are dissatisfied or even bored with their job anyway and are therefore looking for variety and adventure - which increases the awareness that flirting is fun, but the job Not.
Men who are not successful in flirting work worse. When Eric Gould examined the connections between the marriage market and the job market, he found that young men between 16 and 39 years of age, in particular, let their potential on the marriage market influence their career decisions: Did they find that the current job is their attractiveness and chances of flirting decreased, they worked less and made less effort. The study does not reveal whether the effect can be reversed if the boss hires a few flirtatious women.
Women flirt with colleagues, men with customers. The study comes from France, there is a different attitude towards affairs and the l’amour et travailler. There, however, women are more likely to have a sexual relationship with a colleague, while men are more likely to hit on the employees of clients and suppliers.
Restraint leads to success: If you confess your great love the first time, you run over your counterpart - that's what researchers from Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) found out.
Thrill beats romance:Cindy M. Meston and Penny Happy from the University of Texas were able to show that men look more attractive when they tickle the nerves of their loved ones on the first date.
Openness makes you attractive: A research team around Arthur Aron found that openness is attractive because it creates intimacy and points of contact.
Initial contradiction attracts: Elliot Aronson and Darwyn Linder were able to show that people are particularly drawn to a counterpart when they are initially reserved, occasionally contradicting themselves and only slowly thawing out.
Shared aversion connects: According to a study by Jennifer K. Bosson, people feel closer when they don't share likes but dislikes.
Close contact arouses sympathy: Light touches on the upper arm, combined with a compliment, increase affection, writes Nicolas Guéguen in his study.
Competition makes you attractive: A research team around Lisa DeBruine discovered that women find men more attractive who are also smiled at by other women.
The unknown attracts: If you don't know for sure whether the other person likes you, you feel drawn to him. That could Erin Whitchurch show in a study.
Flirting is good for relationships: At least that's true for women, like John Lydon was able to show, on the contrary: For women, flirting strengthens their own relationship - men, on the other hand, think less about their partnership afterwards.
Flirting makes you happy: Eye contact with sexually attractive people activates the parts of the brain that are responsible for happiness, reports Knut Kampe in a specialist article.
Men fall in love faster: In fact, men tend to see flirting as a sexual interest - and fall head over heels in love with it. The following applies to both genders: the greater one's own sexual interest, the greater the willingness to fall in love, like Andrew Galperin from the University of California.
Women are more sensitive to pick-up: If both interlocutors belong to the same social class, women feel sexually harassed more quickly than men. If, on the other hand, the flirt has a higher social position, the reaction will be more moderate, like Maria Rotundo could show. The reason for this: the interest of higher ranking people is flattering.
Smiling triggers a testosterone surge:James R. Roney was able to demonstrate with a saliva test that the testosterone level of his subjects rose by 30 percent when young women smiled at them.
Women pay attention to the face: Women infer his sexual attractiveness and sympathy from a man's features, such as Robert Franklin and Reginald Adams of the University of Pennsylvania.
Men like hourglasses: Women with large breasts, slim waists and strong hips are the most attractive from a male point of view - they could Johan C. Karremans, Willem E. Frankenhuis and Sander Arons occupy.
Smart men are more attractive: Women prefer bright minds to muscular men - at least they want to Mark Prokosch of the University of California have determined.
Sunshine increases chances of flirting: Good weather can increase the success rate in flirting. This was shown by a team of researchers at the University of Betagne in Vannes. When the sun was shining, the test person was able to get the telephone number of a young woman in more than 22 percent of the cases - when there were clouds in the sky, it was just under 14 percent.
Fine drinking really helps: The more intoxicated a person is, the more attractive they find the people around them - according to the result of an experiment by Marcus Munafò.
Speed dating is picky: Speed dating has no positive influence on our mating behavior. A study by Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick According to this, the demands of both sexes are higher than on other occasions.
Competition invigorates love: The more people of the same gender find the women present at a speed dating attractive, the greater the interest of the men in the participants. With women it is exactly the opposite of how Jens Asendorpf of the Humboldt University found out in Berlin.
Sex makes you happy: It is hardly surprising what David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald learned from a survey of 16,000 American couples: Sex ranks at the top of the list of happiness causes. The fact that monthly sex can only be outweighed by a salary increase of $ 40,000 is astonishing.