Flirtatiousness: Flirtatiousness is dangerous

Content

Flirtatious Meaning: What is Flirtatious?
Flirtatious Example: Looking for compliments
Flirtatious behavior: This is why flirtatiousness can be harmful
3 tips on how to avoid (your own) coquetry
Develop sensitivity.
Avoid arrogance.
Be honest.
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coquetry seems so harmless. Some people think of a nice, almost harmless flirt. Flirtatiousness also takes place in everyday life and has long since not been limited to romances: some flirt with their age or appearance, others with their achievements. Often there is a desire for pleasure behind it. And that is not without its problems. On the one hand, it makes the flirtatious person dependent on the favor of others, which shows low sovereignty. On the other hand, there are manipulative tendencies in it: Those who flirt want to provoke behavior. How you can recognize coquetry and how you should behave ...

Flirtatious Meaning: What is Flirtatious?

The Duden describes flirtatious behavior as coquetry. It's a bit tautological and not really illuminating. After all: flirting is described as:

behave coquettishly towards someone and seek erotic interest.
just playing with something; not really getting involved.
point out something related to yourself in order to make yourself interesting.

The adjective flirtatious derives from the French word coquet from what as much as little rooster means. From French coq for Hahn the diminutive derives later cocotte = Chicken or chicken off.

To be flirtatious could therefore describe a well-behaved, gallant girl in a completely neutral manner. In fact, it was later used increasingly disdainfully for "complacent, frivolous girl".

In the 19th century, terms emerged, all of them from coq and sometimes as Cocotte a whore, half-world lady or prostitute referred to or as Coquette a complacent woman with a tendency to loose morals.

The German philosopher and sociologist Georg Simmel wrote in 1909 about the psychology of coquetry:

A woman may go out of her way to please, from the most subtle mental stimuli to the most intrusive exposure of physical attractions, so in all of these she can be very different from the coquette.

The change in meaning indicated above and the narrowing down to the interpersonal area contribute to the fact that the term coquetry strongly associated with women. It affects the behavior equally good men.

Perhaps this becomes clearer if you consider the synonyms for coquetry:

Affection
Dandyism
Conceit
Egocentricity
imagination
vanity
Foolishness
Pleasure
pride
pride
Addiction to cleaning
Complacency
Arrogance
Frivolousness

Flirtatious Example: Looking for compliments

Some terms like Dandyism or addiction to cleaning seem to come from another time. Addiction to cleaning has nothing to do with an exaggerated obsession with cleanliness, but is related to “cleaning up”, today one would speak of “pretzel” in colloquial language.

Flirtatious behavior is by no means restricted to just one person A soft spot for beautiful clothes to do. The implied flirtation character can also be experienced at work. An example…

You have made an effort in your design and you are satisfied with the result that you spent a few nights worrying about it. You can now see the colleague's model. It's fantastic, things occurred to him that you hadn't thought of, and you have to admit that without envy.

Nevertheless, you take heart and ask your colleagues what they think of your work - and with a sloppy “good” they at least give you some recognition. Just not enough. And now at the latest the coquetry sets in: Really? Oh, I didn't bother at all. I just tried something. Do you really think that's possible?

In English one would now say "fishing for compliments" speak. Or, to put it another way: They deliberately stack deeply to get a little more recognition, motto: For the fact that the design was so sloppy, it turned out damn good. How awesome would it be if you had tried ?!

Well, only what if that was exactly the case long ago?

Flirtatious behavior: This is why flirtatiousness can be harmful

In the example above, coquetry is a form of low-key. It comes from there under the guise of modesty and understatement. In reality, however, the search for appreciation and compliments is anything but sovereign. Someone is incredibly proud of their work - and would like that to be confirmed as well.

You can communicate openly, but you are not allowed to do that. That would be embarrassing, pushy and complacent. Those who are too obviously hungry for praise appear pathetically small and needy.

Flirtatious behavior solves the problem. It should to get others to do itto get what we want: attention, praise, affirmation. It goes without saying that not every colleague particularly appreciates this manipulation (if he or she sees through it).

And if the coquetry is seen through, it usually only exists two reactions:

The colleagues feel coerced or even snubbed and answer offended to sarcastic. Or not. Radio silence. In short: the shot backfires.
Or you grant the coquette your wish nonchalantly, for example praising the good performance - but only for one reason: reciprocity. Maybe you want to be praised yourself one day, so the collegial gesture pay off later.

Either way, flirtatious behavior remains dangerous. In nine out of ten cases it is seen through and just as often is not appreciated.

3 tips on how to avoid (your own) coquetry

Perhaps you do not belong to the boasters yourself, the others constantly tie on the nose must be how great you are (although of course it's perfectly fine to be proud of your accomplishments). Still, you want to communicate somehow. You may be experiencing a surge more spontaneously Euphoria about a successful coup and can hardly stop your ecstasy of joy. Then go ahead and do it - but with a few restrictions:

Develop sensitivity.
It is important to develop a sense of the right moment. No matter how happy you are about how well things have turned out, there are times when it is better to keep quiet. Raving about your partner while your colleague is in divorce is one of those times.

The same applies to work: when you see someone fighting for orders, telling them how well everything is going for you shows little sensitivity.

Avoid arrogance.
Pay attention to how you announce news. When you share an event that has been positive for you, express your gratitude. Avoid feeling too absorbed in yourself. Instead, express gratitude to other people who congratulate you.

Rather, practice humility. If you are being completely honest, success is seldom entirely your own merit. Usually there are sponsors in the person of friends, colleagues or mentors.

Be honest.
Things don't always go like clockwork. Communicate that too. Always trying to sell the high-gloss facade of your company or your great job to others is pointless. Everyone struggles with setbacks from time to time, that's how life goes.

You show your human side when you show these sides too. Everything else seems unrealistic and also becomes boring. At some point, the colleagues and friends around you will no longer take you seriously if you don't let yourself be looked at.

Or as a short version: Don't stink, but be honestly happy, but with recognizable gratitude.